Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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