Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
