i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
