Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
