Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
