Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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