we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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