thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize