Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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