whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
