Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
