I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
