I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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