he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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