Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
