It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
