just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
