Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dick very happy bro
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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