went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
