Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
