I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
