I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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