I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
