umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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