I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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