I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
