She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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