y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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