dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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