I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
