just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
