so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
