bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
