jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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