yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
