My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
