I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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