Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
