I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
