he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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