Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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