lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
