im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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