I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
