I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sorry about my life...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
