If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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