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Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
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