Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.

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(703): Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally. http://tfl.nu/lv6m

Replies (17) Good night (639) Bad night (1346)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms

(712): View more from Iowa

Oh God

(515): View more from Iowa

I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship

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(515): Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms (712): Oh God (515): I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship http://tfl.nu/mj00

Replies (31) Good night (1204) Bad night (2091)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!

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(832): apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?! http://tfl.nu/kaoo

Replies (21) Good night (5550) Bad night (1245)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

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(570): so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party. http://tfl.nu/bja2

Replies (45) Good night (6037) Bad night (1936)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.

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(847): Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better. http://tfl.nu/ewir

Replies (17) Good night (3265) Bad night (752)
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(323): View more from California

No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.

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(323): No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested. http://tfl.nu/53oj

Replies (6) Good night (5021) Bad night (792)
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(816): View more from Missouri

I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis

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(816): I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis http://tfl.nu/fnup

Replies (77) Good night (5576) Bad night (918)
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(616): View more from Michigan

he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".

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(616): he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail". http://tfl.nu/2qss

Replies (27) Good night (5492) Bad night (1093)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

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(402): yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic (1-402): i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities. http://tfl.nu/psst

Replies (70) Good night (8029) Bad night (1649)
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(805): View more from California

I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.

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(805): I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form. http://tfl.nu/c7k9

Replies (9) Good night (4483) Bad night (1300)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.

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(423): Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you. http://tfl.nu/zkpt

Replies (6) Good night (1577) Bad night (900)
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(646): View more from New York

Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.

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(646): Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around. http://tfl.nu/mt6p

Replies (7) Good night (558) Bad night (1285)
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(425): View more from Washington

I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.

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(425): I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me. http://tfl.nu/51kh

Replies (21) Good night (644) Bad night (2710)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

Were you drinking last night?

(320): View more from Minnesota

Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.

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(320): Were you drinking last night? (320): Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety. http://tfl.nu/r4i0

Replies (3) Good night (678) Bad night (283)
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(512): View more from Texas

You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.

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(512): You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you. http://tfl.nu/5imo

Replies (1) Good night (788) Bad night (336)

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