chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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