It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
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She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
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last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C