Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.