Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
