Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
