he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
