and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
