is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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