The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
nutella sex= disaster
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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