Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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