i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
