Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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