I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
