i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
