i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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