I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize