Will you blow on my dice?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
