Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
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