Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
