From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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