i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
