I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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